Friday, May 13, 2016

Out of the Fog | Part Three | Dear End of School Year

Out of the Fog | Part Three | Dear End of School Year

The time has come. I should be a seasoned professional when it comes to the school year ending by now. I've survived it all before, albeit not with complete success. But we have all made out to the other side to Summer Break with dinners on the porch, practically no bedtime & endless supplies of popsicles. 
Something is different this year. I can't pin point if it is because all three kids will be homeschooled in the fall. Or maybe it's because I've done it all before. Honestly, I think I've just reached the point where I am d-o-n-e. Done.
Dear End of School Year,
To be frank, I was finished with you somewhere between the end of Winter Break & the start of field trip permission slips coming home. I've lost any need to actually check my kids folders for the masses of dead tree slivers that are sent home in excess. There are piles reproducing with one another somewhere in the depths of my office. They will provide my children with endless hours of entertainment for when I just want to be left the fuck alone & I do not care if there is homemade pastel colored paper confetti all over my house. 
I'm not a fan of field trips. Field trips make me wish I was a parent with a full-time job just so I had a legitimate excuse to miss the joy sucking activities of a field trip. Each time I receive notice (when I actually check the folders), that my child is required to bring a completely disposable lunch, I use the minute amount of self control I still have to not throw a temper tantrum. 
I cannot listen to my child's struggle filled attempts to read as many words as possible, fluently, in a one-minute time span anymore. I understand the educational benefits behind this particular brand of homework hell. However, just once, I'd like for my child to come home & be assigned to read quietly, by herself, for as long as possible. There's a challenge I would happily sign off on. 
When did we start celebrating birthdays before a child's actual birthday? Frankly, I don't give a shit about other kids un-birthdays. I don't give a shit about my own kids un-birthday. I'm not sending 35 dairy free cupcakes to school in May, just because my child was born in July. I will spend the next 10 weeks suffering through failed Pinterest birthday decor attempts on my own time. I also, will be explaining to my child that I love her dearly, but no, she is not getting a present or special breakfast on her un-birthday. I know, I'm the worst. 
Nobody wants to go to bed anymore. I've run out of fucks to give for our bedtime routine. Brushing teeth consists of squeezing globs of toothpaste onto a toothbrush & seeing who can get it to stick to all surfaces in the bathroom. My children want to sleep with ALL the lights on for the entire winter, but now, it is apparently impossible to go to bed at 8PM because there is too much LIGHT coming in. 
I am out of expressions to display my fake elation over my children's art projects. Honestly, there should be a screening process before they are allowed to bring home the hideous, glue infested, scribbled, piles from Free Choice this time of year. I lost the ability to feign gratitude for paper & paste about 6 months ago. 
Color coordinated dress up days enrage me. What is so difficult to understand, that, at this time year, we are down to clothes that barely fit & shoes that were missing under someones bed for most of the school year. There is no yellow, everyone in my family has an aversion to red & even the excuse to go to Target isn't getting me through this one. 
I'd like to be able to make some false promise that I will get my school-year shit together by fall, but who are we kidding, that's not going to happen. 

Now I have to go gather up all of the required items for the girls to go to school tomorrow because, apparently, this time of year there is a dragon guarding their backpacks so nothing can possibly be put back where it belongs before bed time. 


*I throughly appreciate everything about our public school the girls have attended. This was just a fun way for me to rant between doing dishes & sorting through all of the stuff the girls brought home this week from school.*

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