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Friday, October 18, 2013

Fall in Love Friday #3

Another Monday-Thursday has come to pass & here we are being greeted by Friday & the promise of another beautiful fall weekend. It's also time for another Fall in Love Friday post. If you've missed the first 2 posts in this series you can check them out here & here. In those posts I wrote about Fighting with Love & some books that have helped me along in my journey as a wife & co-parent. For this post I want to head in a different direction, to take the focus away from being a wife & mother, to spend a few minutes as just myself. 

When you're finding your path as a wife & mother things do not come together over night. Yet, suddenly it seems as if you're buried in Elementary School homework, crumbs of lunches of yesterday, your husbands dirty socks laying NEXT to the laundry basket, a never ending pile of laundry, wash, rinse & repeat. It's easy to let yourself fall into a cycle, you're gravity holding everyone else in place, invisible, yet one of the most important things to your families survival. 
I understand that all seems a bit dramatic & may come across as if I'm whining or complaining about my life as a wife & mother. 
I'm NOT.  
I adore being able to make the twins lunches every morning,  making homemade play-doh, building LEGO creations, reading Fancy Nancy for the zillionth time & laughing at the things our children say with my husband. Still, there have been moments where it has all been a little too much & in those moments I always realize that it isn't so much about my life being overwhelming. The breakdowns always come from the moments where I have let myself fall into the background & the lights have faded & suddenly I'm not in the spot-light. Merely stage left.
I've accepted that life does not revolve around the sun that shines out of my rear. That life is about so much more than being selfish & narcissistic. But I'm no longer afraid to admit that I need time to myself, that my needs are equally important as the rest of my loved ones, that at the end of the day I need 10 minutes to laugh at random VINE videos & to be able to brush my teeth alone.

So...my whole point that has taken forever to get to??? I have learned that in order to be the best mother & wife that I can possibly be, I have to love myself too. For me to be able to love myself, I have to know who that person is. I have to be able to stand-up for myself & assert my needs in the midst of chaos & crayon wall art. I'm going to share a few things that I have found help ease the stress, insanity & over all ridiculousness that comes from being a mother of 3 & a wife to one very stubborn, mans-man.

  • Pee. Alone. If you do not have children this may seem totally crazy to you...but being able to pee alone is one of the most relaxing things I can do. Even with the twins at school & just Littlest Leader at home it seems that I pee with an audience multiple times a day. I swear, the kids wait until they know I'm about to go before they come to me with their needs & wants. I have learned, (bear in mind our kids are 6 & 5), that they do not care if they see me peeing, but I do! So now, I simply find them where-ever they are & tell them that I'm going to the bathroom & whatever it is they want, it can wait until I'm finished. Considering it takes me 30 seconds to pee...& about 2 minutes to track them down & tell them that I'm going to pee...this seems nuts right??? Well, I really don't care. If those 2 minutes means I can pee, wipe, flush, wash my hands, & walk out of the bathroom with out a knock on the door, a "MOOOOMMMM" being howled from the hallway or a child bursting in. It's worth it. Does this work all of the time? Nope. But I can say that I get left alone to pee solo at least 3 times a day. 
If you want to read a much better version of this point please go to I Just Want to Pee Alone.

(Supernatural reference that adds to my dramatic nature? YEP! Taken from this tumblr that is full of totally hilarious & awesome gifs, pictures & pop-culture stuff.)
  • Wake-up before your children. I am blessed to be a stay-at-home mom/blogger at the moment, so aside from the twins needing to be at the bus stop at a certain time in the morning, we do not have a set-schedule for the AM hours. Before the twins started school I was often woken up by one of the kids coming in, asking for a book or toy or food or....something. This was, admittedly a horrible habit to create. Now, I make sure I'm awake & functional at least a half-hour or hour before the first Leader kid opens their eyes in the morning. This allows me to be able to have a cup of coffee, read some blogs, watch a couple YouTube videos & when Justin is home, enjoy a few minutes to ourselves before the rush to get the kids to school begins. When I wake up before everyone else, we all have a much better morning & overall a better day.
  • Girl, go get your hair done. Now I understand that not everyone dyes their hair & that this may not seem important to anyone besides myself..so just scroll to the next bullet point already. I used to be an over the bathroom sink, self-hair dyeing expert. Often I would be dyeing my hair while the kids took a bath or while they were taking a nap, sometimes I would plan ahead & do it while Justin was home so he could manage the minions. One day, I just realized that I should stop all the box-dye nonsense & go get my hair done, professionally. Having a couple of hours to myself, in a public place where the focus was on what I wanted...bangs, layers, highlights or low-lights. It was refreshing. So, if you're standing in the hair-color aisle at Target right now trying to decided if you'll have time to touch up your roots before the next play-date...just rock those roots for a few more days until you can make arrangements to take the time & take yourself to the salon. You know you want the feeling of a fresh trim & styling after the dye is washed... (PS. the last 4 times I've gotten my hair done, its been in a salon, on a Sunday...with my kids. But, I was still at the salon. haha)
 (The Gordon Ramsey meme's on pinterest make my laugh for hours! Maybe it's the chef in me...but they are hilarious!)
  • Laugh. At yourself, at a dozen 6-second VINE videos, at a random post, the humor category on Pinterest. Just make sure it's real & makes you giggle, for real. 
 (This is not our mudroom. I really wish it was though! Time to organize!)
  • Get Organized. Spring cleaning isn't just seasonal anymore. When the twins started school I realized that we needed to have a system for them when it came to paperwork they were being home for Justin & I, especially homework. Littlest Leader also needed a place for all of her pre-school stuff & I needed a better place to blog & work. This resulted in 5 rooms/areas of our home being reorganized between August-now. Was it a mess at times? Hell yeah! But the end result was totally worth it. Organization is soooooo important to your sanity! So, in the words of Tim Gunn, "Make it work." 

 This post has gotten to be quite long & I'm sure you all have better things to be reading/doing! So I want to thank you for sticking with it to this point. :) Now, I'm sure there are hundreds of ways you could interpret this post as its sort of hap-haphazardly written & a bit all over the place. So, to summarize it....

Basically, if you are a wife OR a mother OR both. You need to make sure you love yourself as much as you love the ones that orbit within your life sized solar system. You need to make sure that sometimes you just feel beautiful. You need to be able to pee alone & read a book uninterrupted sometimes. You have to be able to assert yourself & ensure that occasionally your needs are met. Being a mother is a wonderful journey & sharing your life with a spouse is amazing...sometimes you just need to put yourself in focus. 
I'm not suggesting you act all demanding & stop around demanding things from your spouse or that you lock your kids in the car so you can get a mani-pedi. That's just crazy behavior & makes you look ridiculous. Just stay the course & navigate yourself to a bit of alone time & happiness once & a while.

love yourself once & a while too. 

as always, Sadie 

If you are in need of a couple more mommy-humor type things....